Make it a game.

I am currently in a position that a lot of 20- somethings find themselves in: living with not-the-most-ideal roommates that I met off craigslist. I’m not complaining, I have done it before – though I hope to the great spaghetti monster I do not have to do it again– and it’s basically a rite of passage when you are starting out. I get it. For the purpose of this blog, let’s just say my roommates and I have some definite cultural differences, especially when it comes to cooking/kitchen habits and preferred level/definition of cleanliness. In terms of being “friends” or “hanging out”….well…that doesn’t happen.

I’ll spare you my list of grievances and give a little background instead: I moved in with two Chinese girls ( as in from China, not San Francisco) in August.  Let’s call them X and Y. Our kitchen was a mess of boxes and empty take out containers for the first month and a half, but now the boxes are in the dining room (seriously, is it that hard to unpack?) and the containers make it to the refrigerator or trashcan about 50 % of the time.  They are even buying groceries, which generally include unwrapped oysters in our ice try and large bags of mystery meat and bone on the counter. I have tried a few times to promote my western habits of cleanliness and, you know, health standards to no avail and I have resolved to pretty much accept most of the kitchen ridiculousness they can dish out (within reason).

Enter the game.

So a few times a week I will come home to find one of the following:

a) A bag of mystery “meat” on the counter;

b) A large bowl of something soaking;

c) A little pot completely bubbling over ( that stays bubbling over for an hour or two);

d) The hammering of something I can only describe as bone and guts in a bag;

e) Other ( something ridiculous and beyond description).

The parts of the game are simple – it can be played alone or with friends, sent via photo message, etc. and it consists of just 3 simple questions:

1) Food or not food;

2) What is it?

3) What will it be used for.

I have pretty much mastered question 1, but I have been surprised once or twice.

I have only gotten question 2 half right – answers include mushrooms soaking in a mystery substance with mystery floating objects, ham hocks? , some sort of animal intestine or organ.

I have never been right on question 3.

It might seem unorthodox, or like I am making fun of culture, or being immature, etc. but I don’t see it that way. The game is my way of taking an un-ideal situation and making it more enjoyable. I find some of the things lurking on the counters totally gross, but the prospect of figuring out what happens ( and if I will be right) is exciting. Instead of being embarrassed at the state of the kitchen when I have company, I bring them in on the game and my embarrassment becomes a party trick – Just call me Marry Poppins.

I’ll leave you with an example start to finish:

Saturday I awoke to the sound of hammering, when I later entered the kitchen I saw (and smelled) a bowl of ham hocks; a bag of blood, crushed bone, and tissue; and a scent that can only be described as vomit.

Food or not food? Food – I thought it would just be used for flavor but it was definitely a consumable later in the day.

We already answered question 2, so on to 3 – what will it be used for? Dumpling filling. Did I guess that?  No.

The girls had a party later that evening and were sweet enough to offer me some dumplings. I considered the request but had to respectfully decline. It would have been a step in the right direction for our relationship and my game but really... I am not that committed to winning.